The Nightmare Before Parodies
by Ronwyn of Lorien
Summary: HAs been Updated! A venture into a CATS parody...Macavity playing Jack...*Shudder*...
1. In the beginning...

The Nightmare Before Parodies

Mungo: *looks at title* Ugh...Oi hope this'll be pineless...

Munku: *looks up* Painless? With CALA directing?

Pouncival: I dunno, I kinda like my role. 

Bomba: That's because you're playing an annoying, bratty, whiny, mean little kitten...Much

like yourself.

Pounce: EY!

(Cala enters, her trusty clipboard in hand)

Cala: OK! Everyone gather round!

(the cats cautiously edge forward)

Cala: I trust you all know your parts?

Macca: *timidly raises paw* Um ...no?

Cala: *looks down again at the list* AH! Macca! My WONDERFUL TOM! You, my dear boy, are playing JACK!!

Macca: *whimper*

Cala: enough chatter! Lets Go!

(the curtain comes up on a circle of trees. Each has a door on it in the shape of the holiday it represents. Suddenly, through the magic of the theater...)

Cala: Actually, It's just Munku doing a narration.

(Shaddap! I'm trying to narrate!)

Cala: So sorry.

(Thank you. Anywho, throught the magic of theater, you hear a narration.) 

Cala: Toldja so.

Munku: Twas a long time ago, longer now than it seems

In a place that perhaps you've seen in your dreams

For the story that you are about to be told

Began in the holiday worlds of old

Now you've probably wondered where holidays come from

If you haven't, I'd say it's time you begun

For the holidays are result of much fuss

And hard work from the worlds that create them for us

Well you see now, quite simply that's all that they do

Making one unique holiday especially for you

But once, a calamity ever so great

Occurred when two Holidays met by mistake...

Lec: ...Is it just me, or is that one longer than the one in the video...?

Cala: Well, that's the one in the soundtrack, so I decided to use it.

Munku: Oh goody...at least I'm off for the day...

Cala: Actually, Monkeyman, There's another monologue at the end. OH! *looks at clipboard* I could use you HERE! And HERE!

Munku. Aw....

(BACK TO THE PLAY. The Halloween door opens and you are magically swept to a graveyard. Shadows on the graves begin to sing...who'da thunk?)

Chorus: Boys and ghouls of every age,

Would you like to see something strange?

Come with us and you will see

This is Cala's Parody

Cala: EY!

Chorus: It's a parody, it's a parody

Cast Members scream in the dead of night!

It's a parody, Everybody make a scene...

Cala: *mixing her Advil Martini* It's gonna be a loooong parody....

(For the sake of your sanity, we'll compress the song.)

Chorus: In this town,

Don't we love it now? Everyone's waiting for the next surprise

Skeleton Mack might catch you in the back

And scream like a banshee,

Make you Jump right out of your SKIN!

(Mack, The king of Halloween is Wheeled in on a straw horse. During the next verse, he bursts into flame, jumps into the fountain, then slowly rises out, hands across chest)

This is Halloween, Everybody Scream

Won't ya please make way for a very special guy

Our man Mack is King of The Pumpkin Patch

Everyone hail to the pumpkin king now

This is Halloween, this is Halloween

Halloween, halloween, halloween, halloween

Trio: In this town we call home, everyone hail to the pumpkin song!

Chorus:La-la-la, Halloween Halloween (etc.) 

Cala: Well besides the free-lance lyrics at the beginning, that was relatively good, so I'll give you a break.

Cats: *stampede out*

Cala:*sigh* So begins the Parody Saga.

To Be Continued


	2. The sanity is slowly dribbling away...

The Nightmare Before Parodies

Cala: Hello! Welcome to The horror that is my parodies!

Macca: You can say that again.

Cala: Hello! We--

Macca: *covers her mouth with paw* I retract that statement.

Cala: *shoves his paw off* Enough chatter let's get on with this--

Jemi: *looks up, tears in her eyes* But...But...

Cala: *sigh* What, Jemi?

Jemi: *sniffle* Someone broke my mirror!

Cala:........and?

Jemi: How do I know that I'm still CUTE?!

Pounce: I'LL Tell You! At the moment, your UGLY as ALWAYS!

Cala: Pouncival?

Pounce: *sweetly* Yes?

Cala: CAN IT! *to others* Now who broke Jemi's mirror?

Exotica: Don't look at ME! All I did was look at it and then it just...EY!!!!

Cala: *hiding a smirk* Jemi, we'll get you a new one. Now where were we?

Tumble: *hopefully* We were at the very end of the parody and were just about to run the credits?

Cala: Nice try.

Tumble: Aw *BEEP*

Cala: *ignores the profanity and leafs through script* Ah Here we are! ok! On with the Fic!

(song ends. All of the citizens of Halloweentown cheer and applaud)

Witches: *cackling*

Alonzo: It's Over!

Plato: We Did it!

(both Tummy bump)

Admetus: Wasn't it terrifying?

Pounce: Not really...

Cala: *whacks him*

George and Bill Bailey: What a night!

Cala: Erm...Munku? I need you again...

Munku: AAAAAAHHHH!!! *starts to flee*

Cala: I have Twinkies!

Munku: ....really?

Cala: Uh-huh!

Munku: *Jumps on stage* (in character) Great Halloween everybody!

Macca: I believe it was our most horrible yet!

Munku: No, thanks to you, Mack! Without your brilliant leadership--

Macca: Not at all Mayor!

Jenny: What a bunch of Kiss-asses...

Misto: *Gasp*

Jenny: What?

Misto: You said ASS!

Jenny: *looks strangely...flattered?*

Cetty: *teenybopper* You're a witches fondest Dream!

Lec: *also teenybopper* You made walls fall, Mack!

Cetty: Walls fall? You made the very mountains Crack, Mack!

(the action switches to the side of the stage where Mack's greatest admirer, Sallibub, a modest rag doll, is peering around the Hanging Tree, Watching)

Jemi: I resent the usage of My cousin's name! I mean, Jemima is sooo much CUTER than 'Sillabub'.

Sillabub: *from audience* Yeah RIGHT!

Cala: Sallibub fit. Besides, this way, we can call the char Sally for short.

Jemi: *grumble grumble*

(ANYWAY, Sally is slowly wandering away when Dr. Finkelgus, the mad scientist who created her, grabs her by the arm.)

Gus: The deadly nightshade you slipped me wore off, Sallibub.

Jemi: *struggling* Let go!

Gus: You're not ready for so much excitement!

Jemi: Yes I am!

Gus: *getting angry* You're coming with me!

Jemi: No I'm NOT!

(She pulls the thread which is holding her arm on, allowing her to flee. Dr. Finkelgus overbalances and is knocked out of his wheelchair)

Jemi: Ew....

Misto: You owe me for that, Cala.

Gus: Come Back here, you foolish oaf! *the arm starts to knock him on the head* OW! Ow!

(Sally runs off into the graveyard. Back to the main action. The fans are starting to overwhelm Mack who is backing uneasily toward the gate)

Cala: Yeah right, Macca's enjoying this...

(AHEM!)

Cassie: Ooo Mack, You make wounds ooze and flesh crawl!

Jemi: EEEEWWWWW!!!! I DID NOT NEED THAT MENTAL IMAGE, THANKYOUVEDDYMUCH!

Macca: Thank you...thank you..Thank-you very much!

Jemi: Do I hear an echo in here?

(He is suddenly saved by the mayor, Munkus, who is starting the award ceremony)

Munk: Hold it! We haven't given out the prizes yet! Our first award goes to the vampires for most blood drained in a single evening!

(While the citizens applaud, Macca slowly slides out through the main gates to the graveyard as the awards go on. Coming upon a trio of musicians, he tosses a coin into their open music cases)

Misto: Nice work, Bone Daddy.

Backstage Toms: *howl with laughter*

Misto: Grrrr....

Macca: *trying to salvage the script* Yeah, I guess so...Just like last year...and the year before that...and the year before that.

(He enters the graveyard. Sally, who is sitting examining the stub where her arm was, hears him coming and hides behind a tombstone to watch. Jack wanders around the graveyard and, whaddya know, he sings!)

Cala: Ah, don't we just love musical interludes?

(two kittens look up from their game of tiddlywinks and give her a 'You're kidding, right?' look.)

Mack: There are few who deny, at what I do I am the best

All my talents are renowned far and wide

When it comes to surprises in the moonlit night,

I excel without ever even trying...

Cassie: Ye gawds, he's arrogant....

Mack: *skipping ahead* Yet year after year,

It's the same routine

and I grow so weary of the sounds of screams

And I, Mack, the Pumpkin King,

Have grown so tired of the same old thing.

(There is a chorus and another verse here, but for the sake of HTML space, we'll skip ahead to he last chorus.)

Macca: WOOHOO!!!!

Oh there's an empty place in my bones

That Calls out for something unknown.

the fame and praise, come year after year

does nothing for these empty tears....

(he leaves the graveyard and wanders into the forest, weeping)

Kittens: Awww.......*sigh*...

Tugger: Ahem?

Jemi: Oh Mack, I know how you feel....

(turning around, she notices some deadly nightshade and witch hazel, and gathers some. We are suddenly in the kitchen of Dr. Finkelgus' kitchen where Sally is single-handedly--)

Cetty: Ooohhhh....Bad pun...

(Single-handedly putting the herbs in jars in the cabinets when Dr. F comes down a ramp into the kitchen.)

Gus: Sally! You've come back!

Jemi: *hiding the jars* I had to.

Gus: *holds up arm* For this? *arm waves at her*

Jemi: Yes...

Gus: Shall we then? 

(The arm gestures back up the ramp and they head to the lab. The stage blacks out until we get to Dr. F's lab where Sally is lying on a table with the Dr. Sewing her lost limb back)

Gus: That's twice this month you've slipped deadly nightshade into my tea and run off.

Jemi: Three times.

Pounce: Word from the wise: Never correct someone to the number of times you've done something wrong; always DENY your sins.

Gus: You're MINE, you know! I made you with my own hands...*admires hands*

Jemi: You can make other creations.

(The Dr. glares at her)

Jemi: I'm restless....I can't help it!

Gus: *finishing the limb repair* It's a phase, my dear. It'll pass, we just have to be patient, that's all.

Jemi: But I don't wanna be patient!

(Back in the forest, Mack is wandering restlessly with his dog, Zerocopat.)

Cori: Talk about mangling names.

(Actually, it's Coricopat in a Pollicle suit. Anyway...)

Cori: BarkBark!

Macca: No zero, not now...I'm not in the mood...

Cori: Bark!

Macca: All right. *reaches into his coat and pulls out a rib* Here ya go, boy. Fetch! *he throws it over his shoulder and keeps walking*

(We are whisked suddenly back to Halloweentown. It is morning and The Mayor is making his way up to Mack's house, passing the band.)

Munk: Morning, gents! *he begins humming 'This is Halloween' and rings the doorbell* Mack? You home?

(No answer. The Mayor gets worried and his head turns right around to the other, pale and worried side)

Misto: I spent WEEKS working on that effect.

Tanto: You couldn't have done it without the magic of costuming.

Misto: Yeah, But I pulled it off.

Tanto: With ME!

(both start fighting)

Tanto: HA! Pinned ya!

Cala: Wrong show....wrong musical.....ergh....

Munk: Mack? I've got the plans for next Halloween! I need to go over them with you so we can get started!

(No answer. The mayor gets desperate)

Munk: Mack, please, I'm only an elected official here I can't make decisions by my self! *pulls out megaphone* MACK! ANSWER ME!!

(He leans back to far and tumbles down the stairs to the feet of the band)

Mungo: 'E's Not 'ome, guv.

Munk: Where is he?

Misto: He hasn't been home all night.

Munk: *groan*

Pounce: GROAN is RIGHT!

(Back in the Forest again, Mack seems to have been asleep on his feet for he suddenly wakes up in a new part of the forest)

Macca: *yawns* Where are we?......It's someplace new....

Cori: Bark! *breaks character* Honestly, Don't I have any lines besides 'Bark Bark?'

Cala: *flips through script* Nope, this is about as good as it gets.

Macca: Can WE FINISH THIS? *back in character* What is this?

(Mack has wandered right into the circle of trees that we saw in the beginning. Slowly he looks at all of them one by one until his eyes come to rest on the Christmas Tree. He turns the knob and looks in. Nothing.)

Victoria: And he said Nothing could get a girl Transferred!

Cala: WRONG SONG! WRONG SHOW!

(Suddenly, he is pulled in. The trees and Zerocopat are lifted by wires to give the illusion of Mack falling. Suddenly, he is also lifted, flying around in circles with strobe lights and fake snow. Below him, the tech kitties are hustling the Christmas Town set on stage. Mack lands in the snow and, seeing Christmas for the first time, SINGS!)

Tugger:...again?

Cala: Yep.

Macca: What's this? What's this?

There's color everywhere!

What's this?

There's white things in the air!

What's this?

I can't believe my eyes 

I must be dreaming

Wake up, Mack, This isn't FAIR!

(Like all the songs in this parody, we're going to COMPRESS IT!)

Cala: This is one of my favorites too...

Oh my, What now?

The children are asleep

But look!

There's nothing underneath,

No ghouls, no witches here to scream and scare them

Or ensnare them, Only little cozy things

Secure inside their dreamland...*sigh*...

Eck....Furry...fuzzy...I think I'm gonna hurl....

What's this?

The monsters are all missing

And the nightmares can't be found

And in there place there seems to be

Good feeling all around!

Instead of screams, I swear,

I can hear music in the air

The smell of cakes and pies 

Are absolutely Everywhere...

The sights, the sounds

They're everywhere and all around

I've never felt so good before

This empty place inside of me is filling up 

I simply cannot get enough

I want it, oh, I want it

Oh I want it for my own

I've got to know!

I've got to know!

What is this place that I have found?

What is this??

(In the middle of his unbridled hyperness, he runs into a pole. It is the sign post that reads "Christmas Town.)

Macca: Christmas Town? Hmm....

(suddenly, on the other side of the stage, a door pulls open and Santa Claus laughs.)

Bustopher: Hohohohohohohoho!

Cori: HEY! How come HE didn't get his name mangled?

Cala: You can't really do that with the big jolly fat man.

Pounce: I thought that was Santa Claus?

Cala: Oy...*reaches for pain reliever* I think it's time for a break...

(the cats drop everything and frolic out)

Macca: *stays behind* Um...Cala?

Cala: yeah?

Macca: You said there was something in the script you wanted to talk about?

Cala: Oh...*flips through script and points to a page*

Macca: *eyes go wide, than he smiles* Skimble won't like that...

Cala: *raises an eyebrow* Will you?

Macca: *grins mischievously and walks out after the others*

Cala: *shakes head* Toms...

To be continued


	3. I'm BAaaaaaaaaaack!

The Nightmare Before Parodies

(Macca and Munku wander on to the stage, blowing dust off of things.)

Munku: Woah. I'd forgotten about THIS.

Macca: Yeah. I'd hoped Cala had too.

Munku: *shrugs* Gotta hand it to her. She may be lazy, but she ain't forgetful.

(Cala swings in on a rope hanging from the light fixtures.)

Cala: Glad you feel that way, but we must get this through so I can start Sweeney Fraud with the Middle-Earth Citizens. Speaking of which.*pulls out a plastic baggie* Bilbo told me to give this to you, Macca.

Macca: PIPEWEED*evil giggles*

(Blows the oh-so-famous whistle and, the cats stagger in.)

Alonzo: Sowhich musical is this again?

Cala: Nightmare.

Alonzo: Yes, I know it's a nightmare, but what play is it?

Cala: Just for that, we'll start with your line.

Alonzo: Damn.

(We open in Halloween town, where the citizens are getting worried at Mack's Absence.)

Alonzo: This has never happened before

Electra: It's suspicious!

Etcetra: It's peculiar

Tugger, Rumpus, and Quaxo: It's Scary!

(Munkustrap comes storming through) 

Munku: Stand aside! Coming through!

Quaxo: Would it hurt to say EXCUSE ME?

Munku: *ignores and continues* We've got to find Mack! There's only 365 days left till next Halloween!

Admetus: 364!

Munku: *cringes* Is there anywhere we've forgotten to check?

Alonzo: I looked in every Mosileum.

Pounce: Oh, I'm SURE that's a swinging hangout

Electra and Etcetra: We opened the sarcophagi!

George: I tromped through the Pumpkin patch!

Rumpus: I peeked behind the cyclops' eye!

(All look at him wryly. Etcetra hits him with her broom.)

Rumpus: I DID! But he wasn't there

Munku: It's time to sound the alarms!

(Mummy-child, actually, Sillabub wrapped in Toilet Paper, begins turning a crank behind a gargoyle, making a siren sound.)

Sillabub: So humiliating.

(We are whisked to Dr. Finklegus's castle. Sally is busy mixing her herbs into the Doc's soup. However, there is a very distinct aroma to Deadly Night Shade)

Jemima: *coughcough* Can't*cough*

Cala: Tech-kitties?? TURN DOWN THE GREEN FOG IN THE CAULDRON!

Misto: Whoops

Jemima: *getting back to the SHOW* Frog's breath will overpower any odor. 

(However, Frogs breath isn't that great either.)

Jemima: *cough* Bitter Worm's wart? Where's that worm's wart!

(A call comes from the laboratory upstairs)

Gus: Sally? That soup ready yet?

Sally: Coming!

(Long story short, Gus drinks the soup. We go back to the town.)

Mayor: Did anyone think to dredge the lake??

Tumblebrutus: Dredge? What kinda word is Dredge?

Quaxo: This morning

(Suddenly, Zero is heard barking.)

Electra: Hear that?

Etcetra: What?

Electra: Shhh

Pouncival: Methinks that ol' 'Lectra there might be a bit nuts, yes?

Cori:Bark!

Tugger: Zerocopat!

(Mack comes riding in on a snowmobile.)

Sillabub: Mack's Back!

Munku: Where have you been, young man? I was worried sick!

Cala; STICK TO THE SCRIPT!

Macca: Call a town meeting and I'll tell everyone ALL about it!

Munku: When?

Macca: Immediately!

(We now go to the town meeting where Mack is telling the townspeople all about Christmastown.)

Macca: There are objects so peculiar,

They were not to be believed!

All around, things to tantalize my brain

It's a world unlike anything I've ever seen

And as hard as I try

I can't seem to describe

Like a most improbable dream.

But you must believe when I tell you this

It's as real as my skull and it does exist.

(spoken) Here, let me show you.

(Mack pulls the curtain open revealing a Christmas tree, presents, and stockings. He picks up a present and resumes singing.)

Macca: This is a thing called a present. 

The whole thing starts with a box.

Ghengis: A box?

Gus: GAHHH! What's HE doing here?

Cala: *shrugs* I was running out of felines to cast.

Gus: *hiding behind Jellylorum* Evilhe's EVIL.

Ghengis: *growl* Y'know, old timer, the horde awaits my command outside. Perhaps we should--

Cala: *jumping in* --Skip this song.

Macca: Aww

(Mack tries to explain the spirit of Christmas to the citizens, but they only focus on the Halloween-ish aspects. In a last-ditch effort, Mack tells them about "Sandy Claws," depicting him as a large monster. That gets their attention. Mack, however, is not satisfied. At home, he reads every Xmas book available, but cannot find a satisfactory explanation for the spirit of xmas. Next day, at the laboratory)

Gus: you've poisoned me for the last time, you wretched girl!

(He locks Sally in her room. The doorbell rings.)

Gus: Ooohhh, my headThe door is Open!

Macca: Hello?

Gus: Mack Skellington! Up here, my boy!

Macca: Doctor! I need to borrow some equipment!

Gus: Is that so? Whatever for?

Macca: I'm conducting a series of experiments.

Gus: How perfectly marvelous! Curiosity killed the cat, you know.

Rumpus: So, a CAT KILLER is on the loose? I'll get him.

Demeter: Isn't Macavity enough? Why do we need this Curiosity dude?

Ronwyn: 

(Jack heads home with some stuff. Sally, having overheard the conversation, constructs a basket full of things she thinks might help Mack. She then jumps out the window with it.)

Pouncival: Ewww.

(After delivering the basket, she goes off and picks a flower. She's pulling off the petals one by one)

Jemima: He loves me, he loves me not

(When it forms into a little Xmas tree in her hands. Then it catches fire.)

Alonzo: That, my friends is foreshadowing.

(She falls asleep there and wakes up in the morning when the citizens start to sing.)

All: Something's up with Mack,

Something's up with Mack.

Don't know if we're ever going to get him back.

Admetus: He's all alone up there,

Locked away inside

Sillabub: Never says a word, hope he hasn't died.

All: Something's up with Mack

Something's up with Mack!

Macca: Christmas time is buzzing in my skull

Will it let me be? I cannot tell

There's so many things I cannot grasp

When I think I've got it, and then at last

Through my bony fingers it does slip

Like a snowflake in a fiery grip

Something here I'm not quite getting

Though I try, I keep forgetting

Like a memory long since past

Here in an instant, gone in a flash

What does it mean? 

What does it mean? 

(Skipping ahead.)

Cala: But I LIKE this song!

(So?)

Macca: Of course! I've been too close to see 

The answer's right in front of me 

Right in front of me

It's simple really, very clear 

Like music drifting in the air 

Invisible, but everywhere

Just because I cannot see it 

Doesn't mean I can't believe it 

Jenny: Makes you feel kinda warm and fuzzy, don't it?

You know, I think this Christmas thing

It's not as tricky as it seems

And why should they have all the fun? 

It should belong to anyone

(By now, Macca's really getting into it. The backstage cats are a bit scared as he knocks over set pieces in his enthusiasm.)

Not anyone, in fact, but me 

Why, I could make a Christmas tree 

And there's no reason I can find

I couldn't handle Christmas time

I bet I could improve it too

And that's exactly what I'll do

Hee,hee,hee

Eureka!! This year will be ours!

Victoria: Um, Macca's scaring me, Cala

Cala: Macca?

Macca: YES???

Cala: *cowers* Um, break time.

(In a flash, Macca disappears.)

Jemima: *sigh* What a tom.

Queens: *look at her incredulously*

Jemima: What?

To be continued


End file.
